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And I'm falling drunk on your juices...

Mar. 25th, 2008

11:57 pm - An Ode to Hope

How easily a young heart grows old
Hard to remember when romance was pure
The days before our love was a crone
With such haste we forget those times
The simplicity and ease of a naive youth
When we knew not the darker hues
Just our palette’s pastel and neon array
Though we cannot return to the bloom
Our idealistic state remaining forever at bay
We shall march on forward with dreary eyes
I see your pain, knowing you feel mine
This taint and ignominy will never fade
But can we replace the trust we broke
Will these broken hearts turn cold?

Current Location: at home (hayes)
Current Mood: morosemorose
Current Music: silence :)

Mar. 16th, 2008

09:31 pm - Happy and I KNOW it...

here's what i get..
i am happy and for the first time in years i am aware of it
and this happiness has hit me like a pile of bricks.. cuz its kind of like money
when you have a lot theres the constant stress of having it stolen..
and how should it be any different with happiness?

and i am happy, and soon i will be sad it is guaranteed
but the good that has come out of this last week is..
that no matter the extent of the temporary sadness i know:
a) it will pass, and through however long it is there, joy will be lying in huge thick layers down below
b) that happiness is mine, and will wait for me, and will never leave me.
c) that i do have responsibility to someone other than myself, a responsibility i took on voluntarily, unlike blood relations which one has no choice in. and this responsibility gives me something to answer to. making it less likely for me to hit that bottomless pit of shit, though when i do (most likely by failing my responsibilities) that happiness will be gone. and it will all be my fault.

another thing:
'never take it seriously, if you never take it seriously you never get hurt, if you never get hurt you always have fun, and if you ever get lonely just go to the record store and visit your friends' ~ Penny Lane (Kate Hudson) in Almost Famous

but the thing is.. to be dependant on someone, to trust them is not all bad. and its one thing to go visit your friends, but you need reciprocity, you N.E.E.D them to visit you, to trust and depend on you. this reduces the level of vulnerability you feel, for you know when they strike you can just as easily rape them back. though at what point does mutual rape become acceptable and just sheer revenge that society seems so so okay with?

anyhow i guess what i mean is that to be happy you need to trust and leave yourself naked on the roadside to be kicked and bleed. this is made easier and a lot less stressful and painful if the person who you're naked to, is naked to you too. and only in that state of complete undress and abandon can happiness be achieved, and also the very depths of sadness. though, if the happiness is complete and perfect, and the state of undress is pure, the union and bond is one that no amount of black can taint, for at the end of all that sadness - that other person, and so your happiness will be there forever.

there's more.. but i think this is enough for now. and i realise how basic this stuff is.. but i have never been this happy since i was a child.. and now that i KNOW i am happy, i have just comprehended the reason why, in as articulate a manner as possible, at this stage in my life!!

hasta luego :)

Current Mood: lovedloved

Mar. 15th, 2008

10:50 am - all of me...

in a wasteland where things could get no worse
you save me from myself and rescued us
in that pitiful world where there is no right
you resurrected morality and standards of plight
made me promise to never be fall
from that carefully erected pedestal so tall
gave me all you ever had to give
if I remembered to never hurt myself again
you think not of yourself but me
think not of the hurt i gave you
but pain i carved out for myself
you love me with words unspoken
your perfection cannot be maimed
except by the taint I spread unthinkingly
you have all of me and I have you
unfearful and secure in your loving arms
love was perfect and now its forever
until the day i fail to remember

Current Mood: touchedtouched

Jun. 5th, 2007

04:18 pm - random.. poem?? much much everything!!!!!!!!

Numb and alone
My heart bleeds out to death
No blood left
No life either
Come get me
Lying in your wait
In my scarlet bed
Passive and hoping
I await your return
No knowing when you’ll come
Knowing you never will

I bleed some more
Crying a little
Hurt a bit and pain some more
In the glory of masochism
You become a ploy
Twisted and yearning
Aching sadism upon you

I shall wait forever
Beckon your name
Await your calls
See your face
Hear your voice
Lay awake and dying
Lie lie lie for you
I shall die die die for you
Oh I'm waiting
Scarlet and open
In more senses than one
Come come come wont you?

Current Mood: hyper

May. 13th, 2007

10:30 pm - Heaven from Hell

Like moonlight makes ripples on water
Your ways alter mine
And all the resentment held
It disappears with time

We remain here with sour memories
Together in a sweet today
A reminder of what might have been
Had love not won the day

Current Mood: contentcontent

10:15 pm - Silence, Battles Lost

All those things we never said

Now the silence between us

Its heavy with imminent conversations

That have been too long delayed


Words unspoken deepen chasms

That were formed long before

Removing any chance to rewind

And capture the  myth of bohemian lore


Instead we smile and pretend

Taste the happiness we once felt

Remember a time when we spoke

And exchanged not pain but love


Empty eyed you stare me down

Our love’s become a battle ground

Yet as the wind blows the other way

It reminds our hearts of younger days

Jan. 31st, 2007

10:04 am

She loves him more than he will ever know
He loves her more than he will ever show

ok...EVERYONE must rememeber those lines for always!!! i wudve said forvere but thats too precious a word!
and omg...im losin the whole writing thing, hah fuck prolific...i havnt written smtn (even smthing crappy) in AAAAgesss

oh well...
peace love empathy...sex? hahaaz fuck all!

Current Location: school library
Current Mood: apatheticmmeh

Nov. 10th, 2006

10:26 am - burnt and cynical lovers

All that I had, you took away
And now there’s nothing left
But some things I forgot to say,
All that matters is that you left me anyway…

Those breezy days spent on swings
Oscillating back and forth from reality
You held my hand, and held it tight
Told me that it would be alright

Then one night cold and went
To you I ran with my troubles and wept
in a hug you held me all night
But one more time would be too much for you

And then that stormy eve
My heart battered and freezing
I saw you with worn out eyes
Nothing I felt could ever be right

Now I think of you, and it's regret I feel
My insecurities were too hard to heal
Your love, it could not nurse me back to youth
That joy and naivety had left me for good

When I think of what might have been
I see a life, with pleasure filled
But all I had, I took away from me
All that matters is that I left you anyway…

ps: sooo glad this has not happened...but i think i do push ppl who love me away..or atleast give em a very very hard time!

Current Location: skl
Current Mood: lovedloved

10:16 am - bright eyed wonder

when you felt the moment passed you by
and time slip away
just when you thought it was all over
life turned out to be okay

then when the skies brightened blue
and the mist hugged you close
just when you thought life was good
the house of cards fell down on you

yet all that matters is all you know
everything that one is cheated of
and that the love that never grew
the one smile that changed your course
and that single word that ruined it all
all that matters is what you could never do...

ps: not quite sure what it means or who its for :S

Current Location: skl
Current Mood: soo convoluted

Mar. 30th, 2006

11:51 am

doubt in their eyes
and greed in his
when all she wanted was love
rebuke was all she received
through his virginal grace which none can taint
her innocence was subdued and tainted
in comparison she seemed a waste
and their accusations bacame too much to take
silent tears flow out those abandoned eyes
and down her pale skin to the untouched lips
truth cannot be voiced when no one wants to listen
honesty has no worth as no one can bear the burn
the epitome of hate is in her heart
no knowing what this little girl may do
she walks out crying saying nothing at all
she walks away from the others
as they watch her reputation fall
she leaves him hanging
waiting for her to accept his abundant apologies
yet she's learnt and this time wont be like the last
she runs away from it all
tears and solitude dont erase the pain
and soon she must return to those greedy eyes and doubtful faces...

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